How abortion changed my life

Abortion. Most people don’t really like to talk about it because it is a controversial subject. It often makes people feel uncomfortable to share their views and convictions about it. I am uncomfortable writing about it. Honestly, I really struggled with whether or not to even write this article. It is painful and deeply personal.

The more I thought and prayed however, I felt compelled to write about this subject on the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. I share this with the hope of helping someone else avoid the same terrible decision I made many years ago. I want to be a voice of truth and honesty to a society that it is, in my opinion, very deceived about this issue.

To begin with, I haven’t always felt the way I do know about abortion. I was probably like the majority of teenagers growing up in the 1980’s. I had no religious upbringing. We didn’t go to church and we didn’t discuss God or religious topics in our home. This didn’t bother me or concern me. And I liked it that way.

My parents divorced when I was 16. This simply allowed for me to get more involved in the party scene that I was already a part of in high school. I really had no regrets and felt no remorse for any of the really stupid things I was doing as a teenager. I was having fun and enjoying life. It was during this time I began to date a girl.

On a life changing day when I was 18, she called me and told me she was pregnant. I was the father. I was shocked and numb. I wasn’t ready to be a father. I didn’t even have a job. After discussing it we decided to have an abortion. At that time I didn’t see anything wrong with abortion. After all it was legal and it was just a medical procedure like any other I thought. I assumed it was kind of like having your appendix removed. That is what society had taught me.

I had to borrow the money from a friend to pay for the abortion which I believe was a couple of hundred dollars at that time. I took her to the abortion clinic and waited in the waiting room until the “procedure” was finished. After the doctor aborted the baby, I drove her back home. We did all of this without either of our parents awareness.

What I remember so vividly about that day was sitting in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. For the first time in my life I really began to experience remorse and sorrow for what we were doing. I started to wonder if this was more than just a medical procedure. Could it be that we were taking the life of another human being?

After taking her home, remorse flooded my emotions. I began to ask myself, “What have you done?” Something clicked inside of me. I realized that I had just taken part in terminating the life of my first child. I had been naive walking into that clinic. I really didn’t realize the implications of what an abortion was and what it really involved.

People don’t want to talk about the after effects of abortion on the mother and father. Mental health disorders can be triggered by abortion. Suicidal thoughts and feelings can arise. The woman may isolate herself and experience insomnia and depression. The reason is because abortion is a moral issue not a medical issue like I had thought. The truth is abortion is taking another human beings life. An innocent life. And this is most often done, as was in my case, because of unpreparedness and because of the inconvenience it would bring to our lives.

The grief and remorse I was experiencing turned into a life changing experience. I became aware in a deep and powerful way for the first time in my life that I needed forgiveness. I needed relief from the grief I was experiencing. The emotional weight of my sin was almost unbearable. At this time God began to open the eyes of my heart. He let me know that there was a Rescuer for my situation.

On a late night sitting with a friend in a car, I prayed to God. I told him I had made a mess of my life. I ask him to take control. I asked him to take over and make something out of my life. I gave my life to him that night. I asked for forgiveness.

Not much longer after that I made a public profession in a church service to receive Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. This verse from 2 Corinthians 7:10 I believe explains what happened in my life, “”For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” I resolved to reverse my conduct and live for God from that moment on.

The rest for me is history. I believe Jesus has completely and totally forgiven me for all the sins I have committed, and still will commit. God radically changed my life from that moment. In fact, at my 20 year high school reunion I received the award for “most unlike I was in high school”. This was a reminder to me how much God had changed my life.

That is how abortion changed my life.

I have now been married for 16 years to a beautiful woman. God has chosen to bless us with two beautiful daughters as well. I know my wife had to wrestle with my past before she decided to marry me. She told me however that she knew I was a new creation in Christ and that she saw me as a new creation just as God did. Since that time, God also called me to be a pastor. I have been pastoring now for 6 years by his grace.

If you have had an abortion, there is forgiveness and grace found in Jesus. How? Read this.

Also, here is a link for a good book for women to help find spiritual and emotional peace after an abortion.

9 thoughts on “How abortion changed my life”

  1. Thank You R for sharing your personal life story. He loves you so much R. Take care and Keep serving Him ( Jesus ).

    A Friend in Christ.

  2. What an extraordinary witness to Christ, and by extension, to Life. Beautiful! I am Catholic. I took a priest to lunch many years ago and asked him why he never preached on the evils of abortion. He told me that there were women sitting in our pews who had abortions, that they came to the sacrament of reconciliation to confess their sin. He told them that Christ forgives them. But the pain of abortion ran so deep, they couldn’t forgive themselves (a worthy subject for another day). He was afraid of pushing these broken women over the edge. Abortion has three immediate victims, and you eloquently showed us that one of them is the father. Thank-you for the courage to share your story.

  3. Your courage and transparency in sharing your story. will lead others out of shame knowing they aren’t alone. Thank you for stepping up and helping others step out!

  4. Thanks for sharing your story. My wife and I have been in the pro-life ministry on and off since the mid 90’s. We have watched as many many young women and girls are escorted into abortion clinincs around the country. It is such a tragedy of our culture and of our churches that so many people believe that it is ok to have an abortion. The culture promotes it and glorifies the women’s right to choose and the church is largely silent. It is painful to see the hurt and destruction that abortion brings to so many lives. Many harden their hearts toward God after their involvement with abortion I am very glad you turned toward Him instead.

    Healing and forgiveness can only be found in Christ Jesus.

    Abortion will end in America when the church rises up and decides it will end.

  5. I was very touched by your story. I too have suffered the trauma of abortion (as the rest of my family has because of my “choice” many years ago). Men and women are sitting in church’s all across the world waiting for a pastor, priest, and rabi to say the words that they need to hear to help heal their broken souls, and they never hear it. Thank you Rodney for sharing and may God continue to bless you and your family.

  6. Thanks, Rodney. For every woman who goes through with an abortion there is a male, somewhere, who is equally responsible for the life within her womb. (In cases or rape, incest, etc. I would say he is 100% responsible.) Thank God that at least one of them recognizes that fact. Besides the shame and guilt women carry for having an abortion there is also the false burden by our society at large that somehow has the notion these females are solely responsible for the pregnancy. Wow, what a lie.
    I am sorry for your painful past but so glad God, in his mercy, used that circumstance to draw you to himself. Thanks for speaking out. The world, and especially the Church, need more men like yourself who dare to step beyond the fear and speak truth! May God continue to richly bless you with His presence and power.

  7. Thanks for sharing this message. I too am a woman who suffered with the decision about abortion. Whether you make the decision because of an unwanted child without knowing and understanding your options or having to make this decsion because of medical reasons, the decision is not easy either way and you live with those decisions for the rest of your life even knowing that God forgives you for the decision. Most women today make this decision because of an unwanted child when there are so many other options to consider including so many parents who want children and can’t have them. But no one talks about those women who have to make this decision because of medical reasons or for those who have been brutally raped. For those women going through a pregancy with a child from the one who brutally raped you is extremely tough phsycially, emotionally and mentally. Making this decision under this type of duress is even more difficult to make and live with. How are women supposed to deal with these choices? To live with these decisions?

    1. Thanks Beth for your reply. Any situation involving rape that has resulted in an unwanted pregnancy is a tough situation for any woman. I can’t fully understand the emotions that a woman that has experienced this must go through. However I think an abortion would only make it worse since that would involve taking an innocent life. Adoption to me is the best answer. I am very close to a person that is here because his mother was raped and she decided to put him up for adoption. I am so glad she made that choice. It must have been incredibly hard for the
      Mother to do that however his life and our lives have been blessed as a result.

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